SIMON + KAYAR

If you are still searching for Mr.Perfect or Miss.Perfect you better stop now, because there is no such thing. We have to accept the fact that each has his/her own imperfections and the fact is that is what makes us unique. I have heard people remarking that a guy is perfect and anyone marrying him is one lucky girl. May not be. Same goes for the girls as well. I remember a conversation we once had among friends in college. Someone was suggesting how great it would be if Aishwarya Rai were to marry one of us. It would be great for a day or two, may be month at max but then how does one get along with his life, with his dreams if Aishwarya were to be by his side with her own dreams of acting, moving to hollywood, etc. It might not work out for everyone. At least I said that 'What do we have in common that we could make a life out of it'. Though an astronomical improbability it made for an exciting discussion and there was a friend of mine who said he would still marry her even if she were to have both her limbs cut off. Wow...

Moving ahead, the whole point was it would not suffice even for the greatest beauty to be the first automatic choice on anyone's list in marital engagement. So then who would make a perfect fit. Well, one size does not fit all. To each his own. In short 'Compatibility' is the keyword. You might think that a girl is just plain stupid, but to someone else she might be the most brilliant creature that ever walked this planet. Similarly one who you might think is an out-of-this-world beauty might not even make to someone else's list. So even if the world's most handsome man marries the world's glamarous girl it might not be a perfect match unless they are compatible, unless they entertain the same values in their life. Same goes for the inteligent pairings. On the other hand compatible couples have a easy going with their marriage and it takes very little effort from them to keep it entertaining, day in and day out much to everyone else's surprise.

I hate people who when you give them a marriage album start comparing the pair physically, stating the girl is little short for the boy or so. It is not completely irrelevant as I have a personal opinion that too much of a disparity in anything between couples calls for trouble (be it money, status or beauty) unless they are really bound together. But then it does not matter if the boy is a foot taller or the girl is couple of inches broader. All that matter is they have common values.

But compatibility is not superficious. Just because you like 'Kamal Hassan' and she likes 'Rajni' you need not call it quits. Your favorite colors might be different and so may be the food you both like. Still the underlying values, dreams and the outlook of life is what determines your compatibility. In fact it is easy to find that someone is just not right for you in minutes but it takes months to know that he/she is the one. That is why I always say a big No-No to the traditional arranged marriages. Of course people have started on a new concept (recently read an article on a book about arranged marriages), where it says that you can have a few meetings just to know each other (not the ones where the boy is from US on a short vacation and in pressure to get maried before he leaves back and so has just a day to speak to the girl and the boy/girl are at their acting best to please each other). You need some quality time to spend lavishly to get to know about someone truly. It is good if both approach it with open mind wanting to know how the other person would fit in their life. No one would have any doubts about their friends. So it might take the same time as it takes to make a good friend (and that depends and varies from person to person).

Remember it is hard to break once you are tied for life. And in the end when you do get married please accept your spouse as is. It is not easy to change someone and is doing so you might erase the individuality of the person. Everyone is different and so stop comparing with others who you meet in life, because you might not know this real 'other'.

To end I will quote a passage from an email forward that has been already posted in this blog "I had arrived home late...as usual...and decided we would have breakfast food for dinner. I found the ingredients I needed, and quickly began to cook eggs, turkey sausage, and buttered toast. Thinking I had things under control, I glanced through the mail for the day. It was only a few minutes later that I remembered that I had forgotten to take the toast out of the oven! Now, had it been any other day -- and had we had more than two pieces of bread in the entire house -- I would have started all over. But it had been one of those days and I had just used up the last two pieces of bread. So burnt toast it was! As I set the plate down in front of Jack, I waited for a comment about the toast. But all I got was a "Thank you!" I watched as he ate bite by bite, all the time waiting for some comment about the toast. But instead, all Jack said was, "Babe, this is great. Thanks for cooking tonight. I know you had a hard day." As I took a bite of my charred toast that night, I quietly thanked God for giving me a marriage where burnt toast wasn't a deal-breaker!"

Embrace imperfection and live happy.

I love this poem by Charles Hanson Towne. He wrote it decades ago but it still fits well in our time too. I use this poem sent as an email to threaten by friends to be in touch..

    Around the corner I have a friend,

    In this great city that has no end;

    Yet days go by, and weeks rush on,

    And before I know it a year is gone,

    And I never see my old friend's face,

    For life is a swift and terrible race.

    He knows I like him just as well

    As in the days when I rang his bell

    And he rang mine. We were younger then,

    And now we are busy, tired men:

    Tired with playing a foolish game,

    Tired with trying to make a name.

    "Tomorrow," I say, "I will call on Jim,

    Just to show I am thinking of him."

    But tomorrow comes - and tomorrow goes,

    And the distance between us grows and grows.

    Around the corner! - yet miles away . .

    "Here's the telegram, Sir. . .

    'Jim died today'."

    And that's what we get, and deserve in the end:

    Around the corner, a vanished friend.

This post is dedicated to all those who still value 'Love and Relationships'...

******************** Story 1 ********************
A girl and a boy were on a motorcycle, speeding through the night.
They loved each other a lot.....
Girl:"slow down a little.. I'm scared.."
Boy: "No, it's so fun.."
Girl: "please..it's so scary.."
Boy: "Then say that you love me.."
Girl: "Fine..I love you..can you slow down now?"
Boy: "Give me a big hug.."
The girl gave him a big hug.
Girl: "Now can you slow down?"
Boy: "Can you take off my helmet and put it on? It's uncomfortable
and it's bothering me while i ride."

The next day, there was a story in the newspaper. A motorcycle had
crashed into a building because its brakes were broken. There were two
people on the motorcycle, of which one died, and the other had survived...The guy knew that the brakes were broken. He didn't want to let the girl know, because he knew that the girl would have gotten scared. Instead, he had heard for one last time that she loved him,got a hug from her, put his helmet on her so that she can live, and he could die ...

Once in a while, Right in the middle of an ordinary life, Love gives us a fairy tale...

******************** Story 2 ********************

Nurse: "It was a busy morning, approximately 8:30 am,
when an elderly gentleman, in his 80's, presented to have sutures
(stitches) removed from his thumb.

He stated that he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 am. I
(nurse) took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would to able to see him.

I saw him looking at his watch and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound. On exam it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound.

While taking care of his wound, we began to engage in conversation. Asked him if he had a doctor's appointment this morning somewhere else, as he was in such a hurry. The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife.

I then inquired as to her health. He told me that she had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer Disease.

As we talked, and I finished dressing his wound, I asked if she would be worried if he was a bit late. He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now.

I was surprised, and asked him. "And you are still going every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are?" He smiled as he
patted my hand and said. "She doesn't know me, but I still know who she
is."

I had to hold back tears as he left, I had goose bumps on my arm, and
thought, "That is the kind of love I want in my life."

True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.

******************** Story 3 ********************

The passengers on the bus watched sympathetically as the attractive
young woman with the white cane made her way carefully up the steps. She paid the driver and, using her hands to feel the location of the seats, walked down the aisle and found the seat he'd told her was empty. Then she's settled in, placed her briefcase on her lap and rested her cane against her leg.

It had been a year since Susan became blind. Due to a medical
misdiagnosis she had been rendered sightless, and she was suddenly
thrown into a world of darkness, anger, frustration and self-pity.
'How could this have happened to me?' she would plead, her heart knotted with anger. But no matter how much she cried or ranted or
prayed, she knew the painful truth, her sight was never going to return. A cloud of depression hung over Susan's once optimistic spirit. All she had to cling to was her husband Mark.

Mark was an Air Force officer and he loved Susan with all his heart. When she first lost her sight, he watched her sink into despair and was determined to help his wife gain the strength she needed to become independent again.

Finally, Susan felt ready to return to her job, but how would she get there? She used to take the bus, but was now too frightened to get around the city by herself. Mark volunteered to drive her to work each day, even though they worked at opposite ends of the city. At first, this comforted Susan and fulfilled Mark's need to protect his sightless wife who was so insecure about performing the slightest task. Soon, however Mark realized that this arrangement wasn't working - it was hectic, and costly.

Susan is going to have to start taking the bus again, he admitted to himself. But just the thought of mentioning it to her made him cringe. She was still so fragile, so angry. How would she react? Just as Mark predicted, Susan was horrified at the idea of taking the bus again. "I'm blind!" she responded bitterly. "How am I supposed to know where I'm going? I feel like you're abandoning me."

Mark's heart broke but he knew what had to be done. He promised Susan that each day he would ride the bus with her until she got the hang of it.

And that is exactly what happened. For two solid weeks, Mark, military uniform and all, accompanied Susan to and from work each day. He taught her how to rely on her other senses to determine where she was and how to adapt to her new environment. He helped her befriend the bus drivers who could watch out for her, and save her a seat. Each morning they made the journey together, and Mark would take a cab back to his office.

Although this routine was even more costly and exhausting than the previous one, Mark knew it was only a matter of time before Susan would be able to ride the bus on her own. Finally, Susan decided that she was ready to try the trip on her own. Monday morning arrived, and before she left, she threw her arms around Mark, her temporary bus riding companion, her husband, and her best friend. Her eyes filled with tears of gratitude for his loyalty, his patience, his love. She said good-bye, and for the first time, they went their separate ways. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday.... Each day on her own went perfectly, and Susan had never felt better.

On Friday morning, Susan took the bus to work as usual. As she was paying for her fare to exit the bus, the driver said, "Boy, I sure envy you." Susan wasn't sure if the driver was speaking to her or not. After all, who on earth would ever envy a blind woman who had struggled just to find the courage to live for the past year? "Why do you envy me?"

The driver responded, "It must feel so good to be taken care of and
protected like you are." Susan had no idea what the driver was talking about, "What do you mean?" The driver said, "You know, every morning for the past week, a fine looking gentleman in a military uniform has been standing across the corner watching you when you get off the bus. He makes sure you cross the street safely and he watches you until you enter your office building. Then he blows you a kiss, gives you a little salute and walks away. You are one lucky lady."

Tears of happiness poured down Susan's cheeks. For although she couldn't see him, she had always felt Mark's presence. She was blessed, so blessed, for he had given her a gift more powerful than sight, a gift she didn't need to see to believe - the gift of love that can bring light where there had been darkness.

"You don't love a woman because she is beautiful, but she is
beautiful because you love her..."

******************** Story 4 ********************

>From the very beginning, girl's family objected strongly on her dating this guy, saying that it has got to do with family background, & that the girl will have to suffer for the rest of her life if she were to be with him.

Due to family's pressure, the couple quarrelled very often. Though the girl loved the guy deeply, she always asked him: "How deep is your love for me?" As the guy is not good with his words, this often caused the girl to be very upset. With that & the family's pressure, the girl often vents her anger on him. As for him, he only endured it in silence.

After a couple of years, the guy finally graduated & decided to further his studies overseas. Before leaving, he proposed to the girl:

"I'm not very good with words. But all I know is that I love you. If you allow me, I will take care of you for the rest of my life. As for your family, I'll try my best to talk them round. Will you marry me?" The girl agreed, & with the guy's determination, the family finally gave in & agreed to let them get married. So before he left, they got engaged. The girl went out to the working society, whereas the guy was overseas, continuing his studies. They sent their love through emails & phone calls. Though it was hard, but both never thought of giving up.

One day, while the girl was on her way to work, she was knocked down by a car that lost control. when she woke up, she saw her parents beside her bed. She realized that she was badly injured. Seeing her mum crying, she wanted to comfort her. But she realized that all that could come out of her mouth was just a sigh. she had lost her voice....

The doctor says that the impact on her brain has caused her to lose her voice. Listening to her parents' comfort, but with nothing coming out from her, she broke down. During the stay in hospital, besides silence cry,..it's still just silence cry that accompanied her.  Upon reaching home, everything seems to be the same. Except for the ringing tone of the phone. Which pierced into her heart everytime it rang. She does not wish to let the guy know & not wanting to be a burden to him, she wrote a letter to him saying that she does not wish to wait any longer.

With that, she sent the ring back to him. In return, the guy sent millions & millions of reply, countless of phonecalls,.. all the girl could do, besides crying, is still crying.... The parents decided to move away, hoping that she could eventually forget everything & be happy.

With a new environment, the girl learns sign language & started a new life. Telling herself everyday that she must forget the guy. One day, her friend came & told her that he's back. She asked her friend not to let him know what happened to her. Since then, there wasn't anymore news of him.

A year has passed & her friend came with an envelope, containing a
invitation card for the guy's wedding. The girl was shattered. When she open the letter, she saw her name in it instead. When she was about to ask her friend what's going on, she saw the guy standing in front of her.

He used sign language to tell her "I've spent a year to learn sign language. Just to let you know that I've not forgotten our promise. Let me have the chance to be your voice. I Love You." With that, he slipped the ring back into her finger. The girl finally smiled.

Treat every relationship as if it's the last one, then you'll know
how to Give. Treat every moment as is it's the last day, then you'll
know how to treasure.

******************** Story 5 ********************

After 21 years of marriage, I discovered a new way of keeping alive the spark of love. A little while ago I had started to go out with another woman. It was really my wife's idea.

"I know that you love her," she said one day, taking me by surprise. "But I love YOU," I protested. "I know, but you also love her."The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my mother, who has been a widow for 19 years, but the demands of my work and my three children had made it possible to visit her only occasionally. That night I called to invite her to go out for dinner and a movie. "What's wrong, are you well?" she asked. My mother is the type of woman who suspects that a late night call or a surprise invitation is a sign of bad news.

"I thought that it would be pleasant to pass some time with you," I responded.

"Just the two of us."

She thought about it for a moment then said "I would like that very
much."

That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick her up I was a bit
nervous.  When I arrived at her house, I noticed that she, too, seemed to be nervous about our date. She waited in the door with her coat on. She had curled her hair and was wearing the dress that she had worn to celebrate her last wedding anniversary. She smiled from a face that was as radiant as an angel's.

"I told my friends that I was going to go out with my son, and they were impressed," she said, as she got into the car. "They can't wait to hear about our meeting". We went to a restaurant that, although not elegant, was very nice and cozy. my mother took my arm as if she were the First Lady.

After we sat down, I had to read the menu to her. Her eyes could only read large print. Half way through the entree, I lifted my eyes and saw Mom sitting there staring at me. A nostalgic smile was on her lips. "It was I who used t o have to read the menu when you were small," she said. "Then it's time for you to relax and let me return the favor," I responded.

During the dinner we had an agreeable conversation, nothing extraordinary - but catching up on recent events of each others lives. We talked so much that we missed the movie. As we arrived at her house later, she said "I'll go out with you again, but only if you let me invite you". I agreed.

"How was your dinner date?" asked my wife when I got home. "Very nice. Much more so than I could have imagined," I answered.

A few days later my mother died of a massive heart attack. It happened so suddenly that I didn't have a chance to do anything for her.

Some time later I received an envelope with a copy of a restaurant receipt from the same place mother and I had dined. An attached note said: "I paid this bill in advance. I was almost sure that I couldn't be there but, nevertheless, I paid for two plates - one for you and the other for your wife. You will never know what that night meant to me. I love you."

At that moment I understood the importance of saying, in time: "I
LOVE YOU" and giving our loved ones the time that they deserve. Nothing in life is more important than your family and friends. Give them the time they deserve, because these things cannot be put off til "some other time".

I think this is true with your in-laws, grandchildren, sisters,
brothers and your friends. Anyone that means something to you; you
should spend time with them and let them know how much they mean to
you as often as you can.

[Read this in an email - and it resembled a lot with our notion of marriage, hence have put it here]

When I was a little girl, my mom liked to make breakfast food for dinner every now and then. And I remember one night in particular when she had made breakfast after a long, hard day at work. On that evening so long ago, my mom placed a plate of eggs, sausage, and extremely burned toast in front of my dad. I remember waiting to see if anyone noticed! Yet, all my dad did was reached for his toast, smiled at my mom, and asked me how my day was at school. I don't remember what I told him that night, but I do remember watching him smear butter and jelly on that toast and eat every bite! When I got up from the table that evening, I remember hearing my mom apologize to my dad for burning the toast. And I'll never forget what he said: "Baby, I love burned toast."

Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night and I asked him if he really liked his toast burned. He wrapped me in his arms and said,"Debbie, your mommy put in a hard day at work today and she's real tired. And besides, a little burnt toast never hurt anyone!" In bed that night, I thought about that scene at dinner...and the kindness my daddy showed my mom. To this day, it's a cherished memory from my childhood that I'll never forget. And it's one that came to mind just recently when Jack and I sat down to eat dinner.

I had arrived home late...as usual...and decided we would have breakfast food for dinner. Some things never change, I suppose! To my amazement, I found the ingredients I needed, and quickly began to cook eggs, turkey sausage, and buttered toast. Thinking I had things under control, I glanced through the mail for the day. It was only a few minutes later that I remembered that I had forgotten to take the toast out of the oven!Now, had it been any other day -- and had we had more than two pieces of bread in the entire house -- I would have started all over. But it had been one of those days and I had just used up the last two pieces of bread. So burnt toast it was! As I set the plate down in front of Jack, I waited for a comment about the toast. But all I got was a "Thank you!" I watched as he ate bite by bite, all the time waiting for some comment about the toast. But instead, all Jack said was, "Babe, this is great. Thanks for cooking tonight. I know you had a hard day." As I took a bite of my charred toast that night, I thought about my mom and dad...how burnt toast hadn't been a deal-breaker for them. And I quietly thanked God for giving me a marriage where burnt toast
wasn't a deal-breaker either!

You know, life is full of imperfect things...and imperfect people. I'm not the best housekeeper or cook. And you might be surprised to find out that Jack isn't the perfect husband! He likes to play his music too loud, he will always find a way to avoid yard work, and he watches far too many sports. Believe it or not, watching "Golf Academy" is not my idea of a great night at home! But somehow in the past 37 years Jack and I have learned to accept the imperfections in each other. Over time, we have stopped trying to make each other in our own mold and have learned to celebrate our differences.You might say that we've learned to love each other for who we really are! For example, I like to take my time, I'm a perfectionist, and I'm even-tempered. I tend to work too much and sleep too little. Jack, on the other hand, is disciplined, studious, an early riser, and is a marketer's dream consumer. I count pennies and Jack could care less! Where he is strong, I am weak, and vice versa. And while you might say that Jack and I are opposites, we're also very much alike. I can look at him and tell you what he's thinking. I can predict his actions before he finalizes his plans. On the other hand, he knows whether I'm troubled or not the moment I enter a room. We share the same goals. We love the same things. And we are still best friends. We've traveled through many valleys and enjoyed many mountaintops. And yet, at the same time, Jack and I must work every minute of every day to make this thing called "marriage" work! What I've learned over the years is that learning to accept each other's faults - and choosing to celebrate each other's differences - is the one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing, and lasting marriage relationship.

Have a great day!

Well DINK stands for Double Income No Kids. It is not a new word by any means, and has been discussed in lengths in the west. But for bangalore and an urban India on a roll, it sure is a new phenomenon. It is about couples who are married (live together) earn and don't want a kid.

They just don't feel like bringing up a kid. Either they are too busy working and are afraid that a kid might cut short their otherwise brilliant career or they are of the opinion that a kid is a hinderance to their blissful world.(Read More)